Mr Nasty admits he is straight

So Simon Cowell has admitted it. He isn't gay. Though he has had Botox.

The pantomime baddie from X-Factor today told the Daily Mail: “If I was, why hide it? It's not as if the music business would be an odd place for a gay man to work.”

Still, there is hope for everyone who loves the domineering music mogul, he refuses to have kids and settle down just yet.

“I love kids - at least they are old enough to talk,” he said.

“But my own? No. I'm terrified of the responsibility. Where would they fit in? I have to be able to fly to Los Angeles at a minute's notice.”

We're sure his long term girlfriend Terri Seymour is absolutely overjoyed at that.

His not being gay is no bad thing really. Do we really want another self-righteous, bitchy, orange idiot to add to the population of gay men of the United Kingdom?  Didn't think so.