Lesbian gossip from LA!

Let's keep our fingers crossed she's a baby dyke, Juno's Ellen Page teased the trendy True Religion jeans and retro-print t-shirts right off legions of Lesbos on Saturday Night Live this week.   

Too clever to actually cop to any actual girl on girl, Ellen bid a fond flip of the bird to the likes of the Village Voice's gossip monger extraordinaire Michael Musto, who recently opined about Ellen in his column, "Is she or isn't she?" The cutest, smartest actress to dissemble about her bedroom proclivities since one Ms. Jodie Foster, Ellen's fluid sexuality worked Musto into a good ole gay boy froth.   

"I mean, come on already, is she??? You know, Lebanese! She certainly dresses like a, you know, tomboy," Musto wrote.   

And this week, Little "E'"—Ellen Degeneres is "The Big E"—responded to the rumors on Saturday Night Live with a hilarious riff on what the masses consider all things Lesbo. For the skit, Ellen's thinly-veiled SNL alter ego returned home to her boyfriend—Andy Samberg—all butched out following an illuminating night at a Melissa Etheridge concert. Just to hear eat-her-with-a-spoon adorable Ellen utter the words, "Indigo Girls, Closer I am to Fine, great big lezzy jam and athletic girls in tank tops," was enough to send budding gay girls and dyed-in-the-wool dykes alike into fits of longing.

But the proverbial icing on Ellen's cake was when she dropped to her back with her legs in the air and queried, "Why does everything have to have a label? Why can't I just hug a woman with my legs in friendship if I want?"

Following up on Tina Fey's SNL mantra for Hillary—Seven Sisters—Clinton that "Bitch is the new black", Tina's erstwhile partner in crime, Amy Poehler, donned her Hillary drag for a skit that eviscerated the Democratic debate process in which Darryl Hammond, impersonating Tim Russert, interrogated Hillary while tossing Nerf balls at Barack—one minute I'm welcoming an anti-gay activist and gospel singer to my campaign and the next I'm sending Valentine's to the queer community—Obama.   

The real Hillary turned up with an "editorial response," and parried with her twin, Poehler. When little Amy asked, "How's the campaign going?" Hills responded with a very funny faux mélange of self-confidence and paranoia. "It's going great. Great. Why what have you heard?"

With support from Madonna, Barbra Streisand, Cher and Tina Fey, Hillary—it's small wonder her initials are HRC—has got the queer vote sewn up. But I'm not holding my breath for card carrying Texan and Ohioan homos to tip the scales away from her rival.

However, Jack Nicholson has thrown his support behind Hills with a video endorsement of famous Jack lines edited from his films.
   

Oddly there's no ax wielding, "Here's Johnny," in the mix.   

With the gay vote and now the pervy old man demographic behind her, she might just pull it out of the bag—or at least she'll be able to open a porn shop.

Nice girl Natalie Portman publicly objectified her on-screen sister—and by sister I don't mean the kind you find romping in the nude at the Michigan Women's Festival.

 

 

 

On the subject of her The Other Boleyn Girl, corset-clad co-star Scarlett Johansson, Nat said, "I would really want to grab Scarlett's breasts. She's got beautiful ones." Touché Natalie….touché. It doesn't take a Harvard grad to figure that out.

The student of gay girl action in Cruel Intentions, raven-haired Selma Blair, has become the teacher. She's signed on to play it gay on the big screen in Driving Lessons.

 

Selma's slated to play a "sarcastic lesbian schoolteacher" who gets down and dirty with a female student, played by Californication's Madeline Zima.

 

I can see it now, in a Notes on a Scandal-esque backlash, the politically correct among us will skewer the film on the basis that it makes all Lesbos look like predators, while privately drooling over the match-up.

Let's hope Selma gets a filthy tagline similar to her "f*** me…" in Todd Solondz's button pushing Storytelling.

Edgy teen star turned loopy shoplifter Winona Ryder's decided to tie the knot with Rilo Kiley guitarist Blake Sennett.   

Perennial groupie and erstwhile slut, the gal who won our hearts with Heathers, has dated Johnny—Wino Forever—Depp, Matt Damon, Adam Duritz, Dave Grohl and others… many others.   

Congrats to Winona and Blake, but it's a tad bittersweet when a tried and true pill-popping kleptomaniac with a slutty edge settles down.

Like the famous blackout that spawned the Baby Boom generation, everyone was getting laid on The L Word this week... except there wont' be much baby-making going on there. A heat wave and rolling blackouts made the L Word ladies—and Max—mucho horny.   

Locked in an elevator, Bette continued to do what she does best and cheat on her partner Jodi—albeit with her ostensible "lobster" for life, Tina.

Shane scratched her straight-girl itch with Molly and Max got it on with a boy… P.S.—if anyone knows where to get a t-shirt like the one Shane was wearing that was emblazoned with the names of my fave director Michelangelo Antonioni's films, this trendy little film history nerd would be eternally indebted.   

Life imitated art this weekend when Lesbian Turkish Oil Wrestling became a palpable reality—at least for the greased up girls in the ring.

That's right. OurChart.com teamed up with West Hollywood promoter Linda Fusco and Fuse events to allow Weho women to objectify and ogle slippery women. The L Word's breakout star of the season, Elizabeth Keener, was on hand to do her best Dawn Denbo and play ringmaster. Sadly, "lover Cindy" was nowhere in sight.   

Joining cutie-pie Keener was Clementine Ford, Cybill Shepherd's real daughter and Molly on the show, and the genius who directed the oil-wrestling episode, Angela Robinson.   

A perfectly wholesome evening of boozing and ogling half-naked chicks in a crammed, sweat-soaked environment, was had by all.   

Check out babe Bridget McManus, the next big thing in lesbian comics on AfterEllen.com's weekly "Brunch with Bridget," in which a P.J.-clad and bed-bound Bridget rubs elbows and pillow fights with lesbian luminaries.

This week's episode features Bridget and my friend, the very funny Andrea Meyerson, Laughing Matters series director and founder of the wildly successful lesbian outings—not outing—group, Women On A Roll. After this Vlog, gay girls nationwide will want to pillow fight—or pillow bite—with funny girl Bridget.   

     

Missed the last "Media Blender"? Read it here!

 

Tracy Gilchrist © 2007 GayWired.com; All Rights Reserved